A few days ago, I received an email from an old client asking me for any advice I might have for a friend of his who is going through a divorce and needs to sell a house as a result. I gave him a list of the basics, and after looking through them I thought perhaps I might share some of these things with you. Hopefully, you will never need them.
It goes without saying that divorce is a very emotional process. It is quite common for couples to let things go during a divorce simply because they are overwhelmed. Sometimes they do so because they are feeling hurt and want to cause the other party harm. Either way, emotions run high. As a result, the house can be a major bone of contention. It is with this in mind that I generally make the following five suggestions to my clients who are in this situation:
1. As far as you are able, put your differences aside in order to get the home sold. Couples will sometimes use the sale of the home as a weapon against each other. This is generally in neither side’s best interest. My advice is, put aside the emotional desire to lash out and do what it takes to get the house sold and move on with your lives. That means: pitch in to make the payments or agree to split the profit or whatever it takes to save as much of the equity you’ve built up as possible. Nobody wins if the house doesn’t sell and you lose thousands of dollars in the process.
2. Hire an agent who works with divorcing couples often. If you and youre spouse cannot communicate with each other without arguing, your agent should be able to help you come to some basic agreements regarding the house. I represent divorcing couples often and have found that the agent can make or break the process. The agent should: refrain from taking sides, work to the best interest of both parties, listen patiently and be diplomatic but truthful and forthright even when it’s difficult. When the agent spends more time hiding then helping, you have the wrong agent.
3. Keep the house payments current. I cannot tell you how many couples have come to me after their house payments are three or four months behind hoping for help. In most cases, they could have made the payments but were unable to come to an agreement regarding who paid for what. If the payments are not made, the bank will probably foreclose and you risk losing your entire investment.
4. If you are in a financial bind over the house, price it aggressively in order to sell it quickly. This means you will walk away with less money in the end, but something is better than nothing.
5. Don’t confuse your Realtor with your attorney. Your attorney represents only you and is there to look after your best interest in your dispute with your spouse. By contrast, your Realtor represents all of the owners of the home equally and has a fiduciary duty to each of them. He is there to look after the best interest of both of you in the sale of your home. Therefore, he cannot and should not get involved in your dispute or take sides.
I realize that none of these suggestions are easy to accomplish and hopefully you will never find yourself in need of them. But if you do, following these guidelines might just save you from losing not only your marriage but your shirt.
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