Wants verses needs

By your real estate dude

When I was a kid my mother used to say that my eyes were bigger than my stomach. I was constantly piling more food on my plate than I could ever possibly have eaten. It was never more evident than during the holidays, which is probably why I thought to write this. Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners were feasts at which every member of my family was magically transformed into a glutton, often with a bellyache not far behind.

Over the years since, it could arguably be said that I have spent most of my adult life working with people, many of whom suffer from the same disparity between desire and necessity. Consequently, I have come to the conclusion that most of us have an almost uncontrollable desire to have more than we really need. I have not yet decided whether we are born with it. However, I do know that our culture teaches us to be materialistic to the extreme and often to our own detriment. I see this phenomenon regularly in real estate.

Earlier this year I received a call from a young lady who stated with some urgency, “We need a bigger house. I’m having a baby and we need more space.” Naturally, I asked, “How big of a house do you have in mind?” Without hesitation she announced, “At least 3,500 square feet with no less than 5 bedrooms.” It seems that her current home was about 2,800 square feet in size with 4 bedrooms and 2 and one half baths. I was thinking to myself that this new child must be her fifth or sixth when I asked, “How many children do you have?” As if it should have been obvious to the most casual of observers, she replied, “Oh, this is our first.”

After I recovered my composure, my next leap in logic was that she must have some elderly parents or other family members living with her that would account for such an urgent need for a 3,500 square foot house. In fact, her family consisted simply of her husband, herself and the child she was about to deliver.

I inquired about her financial picture briefly and it became quickly apparent that she and her husband were going to be stretched to the absolute limit if they purchased the new home she was describing. In fact, they were already uncomfortably tight in their finances. Frankly, I was very concerned for their welfare and spent the next few minutes explaining my concerns and trying my best to talk her out of it. No deal. She was dead set on making the purchase and insisted that her husband was as well.

Obviously, this is an extreme example, but it is one of many I could cite and they all have the same theme. The couple’s desires far out stripped their needs and their finances, in many cases to their own detriment. You might say their material eyes were much bigger than their financial stomachs. The result is often a bellyache of a situation in which the house they buy owns them rather than the other way around.

In spite of the strong desire for “more” and “bigger”, there are some ways to keep from finding yourself in such an unenviable position when buying a home. One is to make a list of your needs and your wants with the understanding that the two are not the same. I generally suggest to my clients that they make two columns: one entitled “must haves” and the other “would be nice”. It is most important that you be honest with yourself and that you write in the “must haves” column only those things that you absolutely need. Everything else goes under “would be nice”.

The result will be a more focused and honest appraisal of your situation. You will be able to review every interesting property based upon the bench mark you have created with your list. Most likely, you will end up with a home that fulfills all of your needs and has some of the characteristics that “would be nice”. At the same time, you may save yourself from a financial disaster. Unlike many who do not use this process, you will own your home instead of it owning you.