The Era of Assigned Responsibility

By Joel Persinger
YourRealEstateDude.com

Like most of us, I never thought I would end up sounding like my parents or grandparents when I grew up. Well… as the old saying goes, “Never say never.” My grandparents were born at the turn of the last century. When I was a young boy they would subject me to long lectures about how much different life was during their time and how much people in my time seemed to have lost their moral and ethical compasses. “Be careful not to grow up like that, Joel,” my grandmother would say.

Admittedly, that was a long time ago and things were quite different then. No one in my family ever locked their cars or even bothered to take the keys out of the ignition. My Aunt Peggy, who was born in 1888 in Indian Territory Oklahoma, didn’t even own a key to her house. Even if she did, it wouldn’t have made a difference since none of the locks worked. Like most of the men of that time, my Great Grandpa Jim, the local barber for decades, carried a revolver everywhere he went. Those old folks, God bless them every one, had this crazy notion that people were responsible for taking care of themselves as well as for their own choices and actions. When I made good choices, I got the benefit. But, when I made poor ones, I was taught to stand up like a man, admit that I had messed up and “take my lumps.” As a result, I grew up understanding all too well that this is a world which functions on the principle of natural consequences.

Human beings learn best by failure. It is the pain of falling off the bicycle which motivates us to learn how to stay on it. It is the shock of discovering gravity the hard way following our first baby steps which motivates us to keep putting those shaky little feet in front of us in an attempt to avoid hitting the floor again. This is why my grandfather and mentor always told me, “You win or you learn.”

When we refuse to take responsibility for our actions and failures, we deprive ourselves of the opportunity to learn. This is why so many people today seem to repeat the same mistakes. Instead of owning up to their failures and learning the lessons that they teach, it has become all too common for today’s “learners” to shift the blame to others and thereby assign their responsibility to someone else.

All this past week I have met with clients who have lamented the painful position in which they have found themselves after having made poor decisions in the financing of their homes. Most of them are about to lose their houses and are beyond the help that might have been available had they acted sooner. In each and every case, they told me how wronged they had been by the lender or real estate agent with whom they had worked to purchase or refinance their property. None of them took any responsibility upon themselves.

I am not here to excuse the predatory practices of unethical and unscrupulous loan officers and real estate agents. Thousands of folks have been badly hurt by such people. But, that does not release us as individuals from the responsibility we each bear for our own welfare. Each homeowner who has been hurt chose the loan program they used. It’s their signatures on the bottom lines. They are the ones who elected to buy more house than they knew they could afford at the time. Let us not forget our own involvement in selecting the unpleasant paths we are on.

It’s a hard thing to hear if you are in that position and I will probably get myself into trouble for saying it. But, if we refuse to take responsibility for our actions, then we cannot and will not learn from our mistakes. As someone once said, “those who refuse to learn from history are destined to repeat it.” So, here’s a little of the hard medicine my Grandpa Charlie gave me as a kid. “You win or you learn. There is no losing. You only lose when you refuse to learn from your mistakes.”